Even When… I have two homes

For parents and caregivers

Reading this book with your child.

Read slowly and stay curious.

Children often process emotional stories gradually. Pause frequently to allow space for questions, comments, or emotional reactions. The goal is not to get the right answer, but to create emotional safety and openness.

You might ask:

• “How do you think Lily feels here?”
• “Have you ever felt fluttery in your tummy like Lily?”
• “What do you think Zac is feeling, even though he’s quiet?”

Notice the body, not just the words.

Throughout the story, Lily’s feelings show up in her body before she has the words for them. A fluttery tummy. A heavy heart. Hot eyes. Loose shoulders when she calms down. This is intentional. Children often feel emotions in their bodies long before they can name them with words.

Use these moments to build your child’s emotional vocabulary together. You might ask, “Where do you feel things in your body when you’re worried? When you’re calm?” Children who can map their feelings to physical sensations build a foundation for emotional regulation that lasts a lifetime.

Notice the quiet child too.

Zac doesn’t say much in this story. He’s pale on Switch Days, slow to smile, clutching his tummy with little complaints. He’s not less affected than Lily. He’s expressing it differently.

Children process big feelings in different ways, and quieter children are often overlooked. If your child is the watching, withdrawing kind rather than the talking kind, point out Zac. Ask gently, “Do you ever feel like Zac on Switch Days?” Sometimes the quietest children need the most permission to speak.

Help children name their feelings.

Children cannot regulate emotions they cannot identify. Naming emotions helps children feel less overwhelmed and more understood.

After reading, you may notice your child expressing sadness, relief, worry, excitement, guilt, confusion, anger, or even happiness about aspects of both homes. Remind them that many feelings can exist at the same time, and all of them are welcome.

Validate without correcting.

Avoid rushing to reassure or minimise difficult feelings. Instead of “Don’t feel sad” or “You should be happy”, try:

• “That sounds really hard.”
• “I can understand why you’d feel that way.”
• “It makes sense to miss someone, even when you’re somewhere you love.”

Validation helps children feel emotionally safe enough to process what they are experiencing.

Use the branches metaphor in everyday life.

The lemon tree appears throughout the Even When… series, and in this book, the focus is on the branches. Branches stretch in different directions, but they all belong to the same tree.

You can revisit this image whenever your child needs grounding:

• “You’re one you, with branches in both homes.”
• “A tree can stretch in different directions and still be one tree.”
• “Your love doesn’t get smaller because you have two homes. It just stretches further.”

Metaphors help children understand complex emotional ideas in a developmentally appropriate way, without having to talk about the difficult parts directly.

Build a Feelings First Aid Kit together.

One of the most powerful tools in this book is Lily’s Feelings First Aid Kit, built with her grandmother. You can recreate one together with your child after reading. The act of building it is itself part of the work.

Let your child choose what goes inside. Lily’s kit included:

• A small card with a reminder of who they are (“I am always [Name], no matter which home I’m in”)
• A smooth stone to hold and rub when feelings get big, paired with deep belly breaths
• A photo that holds love and connection
• A soft blanket or comfort item for moments when the chest feels tight
• A folded paper heart with a message they choose

If your child has two homes, consider building two kits, one for each. Or one travelling kit that goes with them. Whichever feels right.

Practise the breathing tool.

Lily learns to breathe in for three counts and out for six. This is a simple, evidence-based regulation tool that children can carry anywhere. Practise it together when your child is calm so it’s familiar when they need it.

You might use it before transitions between homes, at bedtime on Switch Days, or any moment when a fluttery tummy or tight chest shows up.

Prioritise emotional safety during transitions.

Switch Days can be emotionally loaded for children, even when they appear calm. Helpful practices include:

• maintaining predictable routines on either side,
• preparing children ahead of transitions,
• allowing comfort items to move freely between homes,
• and avoiding conflict during handovers.

Small moments of consistency often create a greater sense of security than grand gestures.

End with reassurance.

Children need repeated reminders that they are loved, that the separation is not their responsibility, and that the adults around them will continue caring for them. Reassurance is most effective when paired with emotional presence and consistency.

Reflection questions to read together.

The story ends with four gentle reflection questions, designed to open conversation between you and your child. There are no right answers. They are simply prompts for connection.

• What would you put in your own Feelings First Aid Kit?
• What helps you feel like the same person, even in different places?
• Who is your “Grandma”, a safe person who helps you when you feel split or unsure?
• What was happening in Lily’s body that helped us know she was feeling upset or worried?

You don’t have to ask all of them at once. Choose one. Let your child sit with it. Come back to the others another day, or another reading.