Even When… It’s not my fault

For parents and caregivers

Reading this book with your child.

Read slowly and stay curious.

This is a quieter book than Book 1. The emotional weight builds slowly, in Lily’s body and in the spaces between words. Don’t rush it. Let your child sit with each page. Pause when something seems to land, and stay open to anything they want to say.

You might ask:

• “What do you think Lily is feeling here?”
• “Have you ever woken up with a heavy feeling and not known why?”
• “Why do you think Zac was watching Mom and Dad like that?”

Notice the body signals.

Throughout the story, Lily’s guilt shows up in her body before her mind has the words for it. A tightness in her chest. A fluttery tummy. Shoulders creeping toward her ears. A prickling behind her eyes. These are the same signals real children carry, often without anyone noticing.

Use these moments to ask your child:

• “Where do you feel your worries?”
• “What happens in your body when something feels heavy?”
• “Do your shoulders get tight, like Lily’s?”

Helping children connect emotions to physical sensations builds the foundation for emotional regulation that lasts a lifetime.

Notice the quiet child too.

Zac doesn’t speak in this story. He stands beside Lily. He scuffs his shoe. His jaw is tight. He squeezes when Lily squeezes. He squeezes her hand back. Quiet children carry guilt just as heavily as expressive ones. They simply don’t say it out loud.

If your child is the quieter kind, point Zac out. Sit beside them as they read his pages. You might say, “Zac doesn’t have words for it either. That’s allowed.” Sometimes the deepest reassurance is permission to feel without having to explain.

Name guilt clearly.

One of the most powerful moments in this book is when Grandma names what Lily is feeling: “That feeling has a name. It’s called guilt.” Many children have never heard the word. Saying it out loud, gently and matter-of-factly, can bring enormous relief.

You can do the same in your own home. If your child describes a heavy feeling, a tight chest, a sense that something is their fault, you might gently say:

• “That feeling is called guilt.”
• “Guilt makes us feel responsible for things, even when we aren’t.”
• “It’s something a lot of people feel. You’re not alone in it.”

Once a feeling has a name, it becomes something a child can hold and look at, instead of something that holds them.

Reinforce what children are and are not responsible for.

Children often need to hear this clearly, gently, and repeatedly:

• “Grown-up problems belong to grown-ups.”
• “You did not cause the storm between us.”
• “Adults sometimes feel hard things, and it is never because of something you did.”
• “Nothing you said, did, or felt made this happen.”

Children may need to hear these messages many times across many days. Each repetition helps the truth settle a little deeper, especially when it lives in the body, not just in words.

Use the roots metaphor in everyday life.

The lemon tree’s roots are the heart of this book. Branches stretched into both homes in Book 1. Now the roots hold Lily steady when the storm arrives. You can return to this image whenever your child carries a feeling that isn’t theirs to carry:

• “The roots didn’t cause the storm. They just held on through it.”
• “You are like the roots, real and strong. The storm isn’t yours to make or fix.”
• “Your job is just to be you. The grown-ups will hold the grown-up things.”

Add to the Feelings First Aid Kit.

In this book, Grandma adds a new item to Lily’s kit: a roots cord, a knotted length of soft cord that Lily can squeeze and release. If your child has a Feelings First Aid Kit from Book 1, this is a lovely chance to add to it together.

A simple braided or knotted cord works beautifully. Let your child help make it. The act of building the kit together is itself part of the work. The kit grows alongside the series, and your child carries new tools forward into each book.

Practise squeeze and release together.

The squeeze and release technique in this book is a child-friendly version of progressive muscle relaxation, a tool used widely by therapists to help with anxiety, tension, and overwhelm.

It’s simple. Squeeze your hands tight, hold for a few seconds, then release slowly. Notice how the body feels different on the other side. Practise it together when your child is calm, so it’s familiar when they need it.

Helpful moments to use it:

• before transitions between homes,
• after a difficult conversation,
• at bedtime when worries feel loud,
• or any time the body feels tight, fluttery, or heavy.

End with closeness, not solutions.

When children share heavy feelings, the instinct is often to fix, reassure, or explain. But what children usually need most in those moments is presence. Sitting beside them. Holding their hand. Letting them know you’ve heard them.

As Grandma demonstrates throughout this book, the goal is not resolution. It is connection. A child who feels accompanied through a hard feeling learns that feelings are survivable. That lesson stays with them for life.

Reflection questions to read together.

The story ends with five gentle reflection questions, designed to open conversation between you and your child. There are no right answers. They are simply prompts for connection.

• What does guilt feel like in your body? Where do you feel it, in your chest, your tummy, your shoulders?
• Have you ever felt like something was your fault when it wasn’t? What happened?
• What is one heavy feeling you could squeeze out, and then let go of?
• Who is your “Grandma”, a safe person who helps you when your thoughts get thorny and loud?
• Can you think of a time when you were the roots, when you held on, even during a hard day?

You don’t need to ask all of them at once. Choose one. Let your child sit with it. Come back to the others another day, or another reading.

Coming soon

Be ready when Book 2 arrives.